If you had told me 8 years ago that I would live halfway across the country married to another man, I donвЂ™t know that I would have believed it. IвЂ™m amazed sometimes we lasted as long as we did,В I wrote. And laugh now that we were ever primaries. We are both happy - happier than we were together. I write this essay 8 years after Seth and I agreed to open our marriage. Guess IвЂ™ll take the вЂyesвЂ™ and roll with it,вЂќ he said. вЂњI still donвЂ™t like that line of reasoning. And isnвЂ™t it better to find that out now than another 10 years down the road?вЂќ вЂњAnd, if it does? ItвЂ™ll mean I was wrong about us. But you know, if weвЂ™re really meant to be together, if itвЂ™s as good as I think it is? Nothing will be able to break us up.вЂќ вЂњIt occurred to me that the reason I worry about losing you is because what we have means everything to me. вЂњThat doesnвЂ™t make any sense,вЂќ Seth replied.

вЂњBecause if I can accept it, I wonвЂ™t be afraid of it anymore,вЂќ I said. вЂњBreaking up? Well, if youвЂ™re afraid of it, then why are you even thinking about it?вЂќ вЂњI realized thatвЂ™s what was making me afraid.вЂќ вЂњIвЂ™m sure it sounds terrible, but it makes sense to me,вЂќ I said. вЂњPage, what the fuck? DonвЂ™t say things like that.вЂќ вЂњIвЂ™ve decided that I can accept our breaking up.вЂќ вЂњThey are,вЂќ Seth said, looking excited, liking where this was going. Nothing like the hot messes of my youth вЂ“ when I swung from bedpost to bedpost, chasing the next high. вЂњBut I see Megan and Pete, andвЂ¦ well, theyвЂ™re making polyamory work.вЂќ Friends of ours. вЂњWell, not without a good reason,вЂќ I said. вЂњAnd youвЂ™ve never been one to change your mind.вЂќ вЂњThe reason I said no is because I was sure it wouldnвЂ™t work.вЂќ вЂњAnd itвЂ™s okay because IвЂ™ve given up on it. вЂњSo I know youвЂ™ve been asking for an open relationship for an awfully long time,вЂќ I said to him. If your homing pigeon doesnвЂ™t come back, then what youвЂ™ve lost is a pigeon.вЂќ

Homing pigeon